We’re combining the last couple of parts of this series. SO it may be a little lengthy, but totally worth the read! I want to say thanks to all of my friends for their input, this has been oober fun to write and hysterical at the same time. Enjoy!
Part 3: Why Dry Humping is Appealing/ Why We Do It:
In the words of boys:
"Guys all hate dry humping”
"I couldn't agree with Steve more. Dry humping is a joke. All guys agree. All guys over 14, that is."
As you can see, boys don’t have a preference for dry humping. And neither do girls because that’s not the main objective when we’re hooking up with you. The reason why girls do a little DH’ing is for the following.
“I find dry humping stimulates certain nerve receptors without having to wham bam thank you ma'am immediately. I like to test the pony before bucking the bronco :)"
“I think it’s also all about the intrigue and anticipation. It’s kind of like playing "just the tip" without actually playing it. I also think that at times, its way more passionate than doing the deed, it can get pretty intense! But I always wonder... does all that jean jiving hurt the little one eyed snake?”
So you can see there is a reason why there some DH’ing still. We want to feel how big your load is without having to actually see it first. Because if we can’t feel it, we may not want to see it :p
Part 4: Techniques & Stories
Ok well we already told some stories in the first and 2nd parts, so we can talk about some techniques. CLEARLY we are not DH’ing like rabbits they way we did in high school, but it still exists. From Part 3 you saw there are little ways girls try to feel how big or small the package is.
GIRL TECHNIQUES:
1. Situate yourself on top in the appropriate area. Sit so your legs are underneath you and your knees are pointing face forward. Scoot the toosh a little and feel your way around (no more than a couple of seconds). If you need a little more stimulation continue, but this should stop after 30 seconds.
2. Place your hands on either side of the dudes shoulders and push up to slide your legs completely back. You are almost doing a high-plank push-up (YOGA COMES IN HANDY LADIES).
3. Slowly lower yourself back onto your dude on your belly.
4. DH’ing is over, move on to other fun actions you do well.
GIRL DON’Ts
- DO NOT sit on your guy and start gyrating like it’s your job. He is not a pony on a carousel, there is no need to ride him up and down with your clothes on.
- DO NOT DH for more than a couple of seconds. You are simply sitting on top of him to feel it. If you can’t feel it then you both need to work harder to get the little tin soldier up OR he simply has a small penis.
BOY TECHNIQUES
1. Lie completely still and let us feel you. But remember you are not a dead fish, stimulate!
2. Get it up (remember we are feeling how big or small you are).
BOY DONTS
- DO NOT start gyrating like it’s your job. You are not a pony on a carousel, we do not and should not be riding you like you are one. You are not a bucking bronco either as long as there is something covering your penis.
- DO NOT become impatient, we are doing this for a reason. If you think or your girl is taking to long, switch it up. Use those muscles and flip us over and get on top. Girls like a guy in charge, without being aggressive.
Dry humping will be around forever. Who knows what our children will be doing differently, if anything when they are engaging in the DH, but we know a couple of things, it’s safe and provides a little bit of stimulation and assurance.
Will the dry hump ever come back full circle, should we reconsider the order in which we conduct our sexual activities? As one newly single gal put it:
“I’m going to take my sexual experiences in reverse, because the good 'ole days of bases and dry humping were so fun!
1st date: strait sexy time,
2nd date: maybe some oral love
3rd date: third base
4th date: DRY HUMPING!!!
5th date: second base
6th date: just some kisses, first base if you willthen I’ll have to find someone new and start over.
p.s. the 3rd and 4th date activities may be interchangeable”
It looks like dry humping is on our minds and we'll be a part of our memories and lives for many more years to come. It has been so much writing writing this. I thank all of my friends for helping me writing this and I leave you with a remarkable poem from acclaimed author, Cara H.
“Standing on your balcony,
shouting to the world...
Imitating gyrations nostalgically...
All you need are two simple things:
A guy and a pair of jeans
Chaffage never felt so hot and bothered”
Thank you dry humping, thank you.
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