Pencil Skirts & Bow Ties

Sitting at work and walking around the streets of DC for lunch I've noticed that a lot of us young folk seem to put more effort into rolling out of bed and going to work.. That’s not to say all adults don't dress well for work, but I think we were exposed more to how we should present ourselves. We have grown up with shows such as Sex and the City, The OC, and now Gossip Girl which flaunts classic styles with modern twists of pop color.

The days of schlumping around in and out of the work place are over- of course it depends on where you work. Now more than ever your appearance DOES make a difference. People notice what you wear, whether you think they do or not. Of course we'd like to think how we present ourselves doesn't make a difference, but it does. Why do you think there are dress codes? It's your jobs way of making you uphold a certain reputation. You are a direct reflection of the job you perform whether it reflects you personally or not- but it should so start to dress fun :) Balls isn't it?

So what are the trends that make us look sleek, sophisticated, and in my opinion, down right attractive? Pencil Skirts & Bow Ties (at least for a corporate work environment)

High-Waist Pencil Skirts- These lovely things give the appearance of a longer leg and thinner torso. They also provide curves in all the right places, whether you have any or not. Pair this with a high collar to bowtie blouse or a tucked in cotton tee with a sweater and belt. If you ever need a reference I suggest looking through the JCREW catalog- this is how you should dress for work.

Obviously you don’t have to buy JCREW as there are many other options that are less expensive/ cost-effective, but the general idea is there. Girls flourish in feminine structured garments that leave much to the imagination for anything underneath. Subtle, tailored, and classic is the way to go. Ladies should know that subtlness and secrecy is very attractive, and you don't have to look like a librarian either!

Bow Ties- I have a crush on bowties. If you are the right person you can pull them off without getting weird looks and whispers from people. I’m not talking about looking like Steve Erkyl or someone who popped out from the Lilly Pulitzer catalog (ew). I am talking about wearing a real man’s bow tie. If you can pull off suspenders bravo to you.

Some people can do one or the other, never both, unless you are an older gentleman, like the one seen here, who is awesome also sporting vintage eyewear to match is drobe.

PANTS SHOULD FIT AND NOT HANG OFF OF YOUR DERIER. Guys- we all remember 6th & 7th grade where oversized skater pants were in,but it's not anymore. We shouldn't see any type of boxer, brief, or a combo of the two- pull 'em up!

I’m sick of regular polo shirts (Lacoste style). Great it’s a cotton shirt. If you want to be casual fine, or go out to a bar fine, but be a man and wear a button- up. Roll the sleeves up half way to show your fore arms- this is a very attractive part of the male anatomy Hello Channing Tatum.

Also gentlemen... PLEASE DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR HAIR! I don't care if it's long, short, buzzed or bald. Please just don't grow it out and house it under a hat. I guess in a way a hat is a "mancessory". And don't just leave your locks to do whatever- you don't have to use any sort of product, but unless you look good with bed head (and a lot of guys do) try to style it in some way with your hands. Facial hair is personal taste, but please look groomed.

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I'm also not asking you to spend the kind of money celebrities or characters on TV do- case and point: My friends Lucas and Michael were nice enough to let me use a picture of them as superb examples of what I'm talking about. These two fellas have displayed excellent judgement in their fashion choices. Bravo to both of you!

They both have chosen to incorporate a variety of colors and patterns that aren't dull, but look polished without compromising their individual sense of style or personalities.

Consider This: Just because you wear pink pants , a powder-blue button up and yellow flip flops does not mean you have style- it really is only appreciated by others who inhabit the nest :)

FOR BOTH PARTIES: Experiment with colors. Don't just stick with black, white and grey. Mix up brow

n and yellow, red and navy, orange and cream- this applies to both sexes. You don't have to look like an easter

egg, but experiment with colors, textures, layering and patterns. Have fun, but make sure it works. No one just throws something on an looks fabulous- it takes a lot of thought and effort. If you are so lucky to have that ability, hats off to you.

Everyone notices when someone is dressed to the 9’s- even if it’s during the day. Perhaps the choices are bold and something that may only be considered appropriate for the streets of NYC, but consider this: The world is always watching you never know who you may inspire.

The Finale of the Dry Hump: Parts 3-5

We’re combining the last couple of parts of this series. SO it may be a little lengthy, but totally worth the read!

I want to say thanks to all of my friends for their input, this has been oober fun to write and hysterical at the same time. Enjoy!

Part 3: Why Dry Humping is Appealing/ Why We Do It:

In the words of boys:
"Guys all hate dry humping”
"I couldn't agree with Steve more. Dry humping is a joke. All guys agree. All guys over 14, that is."

As you can see, boys don’t have a preference for dry humping. And neither do girls because that’s not the main objective when we’re hooking up with you. The reason why girls do a little DH’ing is for the following.

“I find dry humping stimulates certain nerve receptors without having to wham bam thank you ma'am immediately. I like to test the pony before bucking the bronco :)"

“I think it’s also all about the intrigue and anticipation. It’s kind of like playing "just the tip" without actually playing it. I also think that at times, its way more passionate than doing the deed, it can get pretty intense! But I always wonder... does all that jean jiving hurt the little one eyed snake?”

So you can see there is a reason why there some DH’ing still. We want to feel how big your load is without having to actually see it first. Because if we can’t feel it, we may not want to see it :p

Part 4: Techniques & Stories

Ok well we already told some stories in the first and 2nd parts, so we can talk about some techniques. CLEARLY we are not DH’ing like rabbits they way we did in high school, but it still exists. From Part 3 you saw there are little ways girls try to feel how big or small the package is.

GIRL TECHNIQUES:

1. Situate yourself on top in the appropriate area. Sit so your legs are underneath you and your knees are pointing face forward. Scoot the toosh a little and feel your way around (no more than a couple of seconds). If you need a little more stimulation continue, but this should stop after 30 seconds.
2. Place your hands on either side of the dudes shoulders and push up to slide your legs completely back. You are almost doing a high-plank push-up (YOGA COMES IN HANDY LADIES).
3. Slowly lower yourself back onto your dude on your belly.
4. DH’ing is over, move on to other fun actions you do well.

GIRL DON’Ts

• DO NOT sit on your guy and start gyrating like it’s your job. He is not a pony on a carousel, there is no need to ride him up and down with your clothes on.


• DO NOT DH for more than a couple of seconds. You are simply sitting on top of him to feel it. If you can’t feel it then you both need to work harder to get the little tin soldier up OR he simply has a small penis.

BOY TECHNIQUES

1. Lie completely still and let us feel you. But remember you are not a dead fish, stimulate!
2. Get it up (remember we are feeling how big or small you are).

BOY DONTS

• DO NOT start gyrating like it’s your job. You are not a pony on a carousel, we do not and should not be riding you like you are one. You are not a bucking bronco either as long as there is something covering your penis.
  
• DO NOT become impatient, we are doing this for a reason. If you think or your girl is taking to long, switch it up. Use those muscles and flip us over and get on top. Girls like a guy in charge, without being aggressive.

Part 5: The future of Dry Humping

Dry humping will be around forever. Who knows what our children will be doing differently, if anything when they are engaging in the DH, but we know a couple of things, it’s safe and provides a little bit of stimulation and assurance.

Will the dry hump ever come back full circle, should we reconsider the order in which we conduct our sexual activities? As one newly single gal put it:

“I’m going to take my sexual experiences in reverse, because the good 'ole days of bases and dry humping were so fun!
1st date: strait sexy time,
2nd date: maybe some oral love
3rd date: third base
4th date: DRY HUMPING!!!
5th date: second base
6th date: just some kisses, first base if you willthen I’ll have to find someone new and start over.

p.s. the 3rd and 4th date activities may be interchangeable”

It looks like dry humping is on our minds and we'll be a part of our memories and lives for many more years to come. It has been so much writing writing this. I thank all of my friends for helping me writing this and I leave you with a remarkable poem from acclaimed author, Cara H.

“Standing on your balcony,
shouting to the world...
Imitating gyrations nostalgically...

All you need are two simple things:
A guy and a pair of jeans
Chaffage never felt so hot and bothered”

Thank you dry humping, thank you.